I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Never joke about your clitoris.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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