also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
