WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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