Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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