He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
