shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The struggles of a small town man whore
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
