My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
