Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
