Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
