Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
