he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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