I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
