You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
