I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
