I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
