You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
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She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
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You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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