How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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