so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
