She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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