Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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