im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
