I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
