i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
