I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
