Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
