I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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