my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Michael Bay diarrhea
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
