i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
