It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
