I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
