If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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