I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
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I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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