I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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