If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
