Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
