You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i drank out of a bidet.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
