yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
