I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
