Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
