How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
