I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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