just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
