so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
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Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
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Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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