Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
