I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
