cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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