Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
