I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This girl is more easily done than said...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
