just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
