smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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