Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm always down for nudity.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
