forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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