So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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