I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
