Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
