the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
