I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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