Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
