i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
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I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
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Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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