operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
