Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
