When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
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The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
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You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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