I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
