maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize