Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
