Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
