There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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