This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
