fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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