And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
