So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
