I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
