I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
