She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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