I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
